He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
