I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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