Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
