if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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