my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
