onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize