dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
