apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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