Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Randomize
