I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
