Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
