The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
