Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
