i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
