I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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