where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
