somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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