Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
