Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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