McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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