My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
one might say we're banned from that church
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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