oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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