I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
