I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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