Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
