So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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