1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
