I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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