ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
