i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
