I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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