Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
nutella sex= disaster
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
