I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
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