ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize