yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
It's never too late to be topless.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
