I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
You ever have a fart follow you around?
So what if is hockey, you donβt turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize