There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
is wine microwaveable?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Randomize
