READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
