how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My bed smells like the plague
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
