Just mADE A PArabola og urine
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
