Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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