I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
