He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
