I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize