I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
