I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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