thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
