overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
