Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize