I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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