Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
