Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
