So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It's blow job season.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
