He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We have started to decorate penises.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
