my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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