dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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