Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize