you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Randomize
