shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
is that a dick in a sweater?
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