well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
