I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You're a waste of cheezeits
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
