just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
