Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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