i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
