like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
