I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
