I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
