wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
