I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
