Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
