she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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