I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
