This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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