The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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