You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
