oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
