Welp...herpes.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
