yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
If I die, sorry about rent.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
