I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
