Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
