dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
