im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
