Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
