my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize