I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
sarcasm needs its own font
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
