When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Dignity is for republicans.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
