just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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