We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
