Have you finally orgasmed yet?
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
