omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
