The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
