I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
