So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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