I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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